Prepping for Work

Today I'm prepping for work tomorrow. Now that the day to go back is finally here, I'm pretty sad about it. I'll really miss my munchkins!

First time eating rice cereal

Lexi hanging out with Derrick

Livee loves to sleep with her baby brother

I'm hoping this transition will be easy for me. I need to get used to a new routine.

The Countdown Begins!

One week from today and I will be prepping to go back to work. I thought I was ready, but now that the time is getting nearer, the more sad I get. I'm really going to miss my time with the kids and Rikki.  The kids are all at really neat stages and I've been enjoying being part of their every day.

My three munchkins!

I'm excited to go back to work, but a big part of me is nervous.  There have been so many changes since I've been gone that I'm not sure what I'm coming back to.  My role and the role of some of my staff have changed so now there are new things to worry about.  Two people have left so I now have to get to know two new people on my team. I'm sure things will work out fine, but it will be a transition to come in just as we're starting our busy season.

This weekend, we stuck true to our pact of not spending money.  We celebrated Uncle Rommy's birthday at his house.

We also took the kids to Heritage Park in Cerritos and then to get frozen yogurt at the mall.

Playground fun

Such a pretty park

Lexi walking to the fort

One of the village buildings

Olivia is finally comfortable on the big girl swing

One of the many areas to play

Enjoying their yogurt at the mall

More playtime at the mall

At the end of the day, Olivia expressed how this was "the best day ever!" which reminded us that we don't need to spend a ton of money to make our kids happy. How blessed are we to have kids that are just happy to be with us!

Mom Guilt/Boss Guilt

Today I went back to work just for the day because we had our annual planning meeting for our team and my boss wanted me to be part of the conversation.  I appreciate that he asked me even though I'm still on maternity leave because I know he values my input. In exchange for coming in, he's giving me an extra day on the back end when my leave ends so it's all good.  I also actually love my job and love the people I work with so I was looking forward to seeing everyone and having conversations that didn't revolve around cartoons or me yelling at the kids to clean up their mess.

It was an all-day meeting and I left the day feeling excited to come back and get to work. Everyone kept asking me if I am ready to come back and if I'll be sad to leave my kids.  I half-joked that going to work is a "break" from my kids -- I can take breaks, actually sit down and have a lunch, or close my office door to take an uninterrupted nap. I truthfully told everyone I was ready and excited to hit the ground sprinting.

And then I came home...

I came home and asked the kids to recap their day for me for the first time in four and a half months since I've been on maternity leave. It was then that it hit me that this would be part of my routine when I fully go back to work -- I would no longer just be part of their every day, I would MAYBE get the Cliffs Notes version (try getting all the details from a 5 year old).  This is where the "mom guilt" hit me -- the guilt that I will no longer be physically there for my kids all day, every day. It also made me sad to lose this time that I've been able to spend with them -- the time that I joked about needing a break from.

And then I got a second wave of guilt... I guess you could call it "Boss Guilt."

When I started my maternity leave, I left in the midst of our busy season so it was already really hard for me to leave.  In fact, I still checked in during my leave to make sure everyone was still sane. Things continued to move forward while I was gone, but after hearing about some of the difficulties and frustrations that happened during my absence, I can't help but feel guilty for "abandoning" my team to bond with my baby. Ridiculous, I know.

As I'm going through this journey as a working mom of three, I'm realizing that it is impossible to be everything to everyone, but that doesn't stop me from trying!  I need to remind myself that I am truly blessed with a beautiful family and an awesome job that I love and it is because I actually care about these things that I worry about giving my all to each. Hopefully as I continue to navigate this journey, I will be able to give myself some slack.